They Call this a College Prep School

They call my school a college prep school, but I am not sure in what way they are talking about. I have tried so hard to see if it is more challenging than my last public high school, but I can't tell. My grades have gotten slightly worse; does that mean the work is harder, or am I just graded harder.

If you can't see the difference, then look closer. If the work is harder then I am learning more, that is the goal we are trying to achieve, but to do the same work and get lower grades, what good is that? In any case the change is not significant enough to make any actual conclusion from it, but it makes me wonder: is it worth it? I have given up my family and my nights at home with my dog on my couch watching a movie with my family or god forbid celebrating Easter with them, or waking up early to make my mom breakfast on mother's day. Instead, I hide in my room just to be alone and even then people come barging in to get their shoes or my roommate comes in to play music very loudly when she sees I was watching a movie already.

Why do I always put the headphones on? There are some who are as interested in getting into college as I am, but I wonder: are they suffering under the same delusion as I am? After all, we have been convinced to buy into a product. There are many others who just want to party constantly. Sex, drugs and alcohol-- in some ways it really is preparation for college. For some, I really wonder, am I surrounded by the best and brightest here. Why is so and so here? He isn't smart, charismatic or good at sports. He doesn't participate in activities. He skateboards? I am not sure why we were chosen. Why was I chosen? Did they look at paper and see me? If they had maybe they could understand my disappointment with some of the people.

I came looking for people who shared some of my ambitions, who were widely cultured and had interest in things other than shoes. Maybe I am being to harsh, every once in a while my mind is changed completely. I begin to think: I am good, let's save the money, I don't need this. Then there is some performance or award, someone shows me that they are worth it. I will never know what is my best course, but I will depend on the counsel of my family and friends to help me make the best decision I can.

Kate